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Most you've ever disappointed your partner

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This wasn't me doing the disappointing but I was present when my mate did. We were having a beer in his lounge while his missus was upstairs getting ready for a night out, she came down in her new outfit and asked him "How do I look? Does this dress make me look fat?". To which he replied, "No love. It's your fat that makes you look fat".
 
Charlie Sweet said:
Many years ago I was going out with a lovely girl that lived in the next town. We were about 19 and her parents wouldn't let me stay in her room so the plan was I would stay in the spare bedroom. Her dad was sound and invited me to play golf with him and his mates early the next morning.

We went out to a local party and I got pretty drunk. Her parents were sound when we got in (from what I remember) and next morning the dad knocked on the spare room door and gave me a shout for golf. I staggered up not really knowing where I was and struggling to stand properly. It was dark and I was desperate for the loo.

It was dark. I went into what I thought was the bathroom still half asleep. Pulled out my little man and took careful aim at the toilet as best I could. I seemed to hit the spot and started to compose myself as I emptied away a couple of pints of Stella extract.

Then I heard the crying. For a split second I wondered what my girlfriend's little sister was doing in the bathroom when I kinda realised I was actually in the corner of her bedroom. In my defence they had wooden flooring throughout and the little girl's toys confused me.

The girlfriend's mother comes in and starts screaming and then the dad. He punched me square in the side of the face and smashed up my nose.

Then the girlfriend came in and started screaming at her dad (initially) before realising what was happening. With the drink and the punch from daddy I was away with the fairies but just couldn't stop p*ssing. It was like a little hose. Suffice to say that relationship ended there and then. Worst of it she was stunning and oh what could have been....
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Why did the dad not cut you a bit of slack?! Obviously you weren't to know, I'd hope!
 
I suppose I should own up. There was this one time when I was seventeen and I was seeing this girl who was 28 and had seven breasts. When she took me home to meet her parents I said hi, madam, sir, and proceded to drink nine bottles of Jack Daniels before urinating all over the gluten free meal her mother had prepared especially for me. When her father asked why I'd do such a thing I just took a dump on the floor and left.

Because lads, innit.

The next day, though, I was going out with this supermodel who said I was the only one for her. This was back when I was having a trial for Utd and got an offer but then I did my cruciate in, lads. Anyway, she took me on holiday with her family to this little island they owned in the Med. Me being me, I poured two litres of cooked heroin into my eyeballs because LADS and then canonned a load of urine into her little sister's face for no reason. When the mother asked why I said "'cause LADS" and spat in her eye.

'cos lads.

'Cos lads I'm a lad and once I'm ladding this bird Kate Middleton in this big house and because lads this old bird with a crown comes in so I get my lad out and literally shoot her face off with a stream of urine lads. Then a couple of corgies run in and start lapping it up so I just shrug and have another Stella 'cos I'm a lad.
 
caught said:
I suppose I should own up. There was this one time when I was seventeen and I was seeing this girl who was 28 and had seven breasts. When she took me home to meet her parents I said hi, madam, sir, and proceded to drink nine bottles of Jack Daniels before urinating all over the gluten free meal her mother had prepared especially for me. When her father asked why I'd do such a thing I just took a dump on the floor and left.

Because lads, innit.

The next day, though, I was going out with this supermodel who said I was the only one for her. This was back when I was having a trial for Utd and got an offer but then I did my cruciate in, lads. Anyway, she took me on holiday with her family to this little island they owned in the Med. Me being me, I poured two litres of cooked heroin into my eyeballs because LADS and then canonned a load of urine into her little sister's face for no reason. When the mother asked why I said "'cause LADS" and spat in her eye.

'cos lads.

'Cos lads I'm a lad and once I'm ladding this bird Kate Middleton in this big house and because lads this old bird with a crown comes in so I get my lad out and literally shoot her face off with a stream of urine lads. Then a couple of corgies run in and start lapping it up so I just shrug and have another Stella 'cos I'm a lad.
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brilliant
 

Many moons ago, was the first time I dissapointed her

We were just going out at the time and we were in Rhyl so went out to a classy club called the Orange Peel
She sat down and I went the bar, lager for me and a red witch for her...I spoilt her in them days
As I was walking back I had to cross a deserted dance floor, well besides two lads dancing together. One of them knocked into me and as he did i apologised out of courtesy. Next thing I knew him and his mate were in my face and pushing me. I quickly realised these folk were from Manchester, and they didn't like Liverpool folk. I tried to explain I was with somebody and didn't want trouble. This didn't work so i went to plan B, I just butted one of them and then just hoped for the best. At that point I think I had just started a riot as the place turned into one big brawl. Next thing I knew a bouncer had me and was dragging me out, I decided for some reason to throw a punch at him...it didn't go down well.
They kicked me out and when I asked if they could get my girlfriend they just laughed. I had to wait outside for her with a bloody nose and the knowledge I had at least one black eye. She appeared after about 15mins, at first concerned but then realising I was in the thick of it all, she was fuming with me.
Even now we can't talk about it, even joke about it
 
Lowste said:
Many moons ago, was the first time I dissapointed her

We were just going out at the time and we were in Rhyl so went out to a classy club called the Orange Peel
She sat down and I went the bar, lager for me and a red witch for her...I spoilt her in them days
As I was walking back I had to cross a deserted dance floor, well besides two lads dancing together. One of them knocked into me and as he did i apologised out of courtesy. Next thing I knew him and his mate were in my face and pushing me. I quickly realised these folk were from Manchester, and they didn't like Liverpool folk. I tried to explain I was with somebody and didn't want trouble. This didn't work so i went to plan B, I just butted one of them and then just hoped for the best. At that point I think I had just started a riot as the place turned into one big brawl. Next thing I knew a bouncer had me and was dragging me out, I decided for some reason to throw a punch at him...it didn't go down well.
They kicked me out and when I asked if they could get my girlfriend they just laughed. I had to wait outside for her with a bloody nose and the knowledge I had at least one black eye. She appeared after about 15mins, at first concerned but then realising I was in the thick of it all, she was fuming with me.
Even now we can't talk about it, even joke about it
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memories like elephants the lot of them .
 

caught said:
I suppose I should own up. There was this one time when I was seventeen and I was seeing this girl who was 28 and had seven breasts. When she took me home to meet her parents I said hi, madam, sir, and proceded to drink nine bottles of Jack Daniels before urinating all over the gluten free meal her mother had prepared especially for me. When her father asked why I'd do such a thing I just took a dump on the floor and left.

Because lads, innit.

The next day, though, I was going out with this supermodel who said I was the only one for her. This was back when I was having a trial for Utd and got an offer but then I did my cruciate in, lads. Anyway, she took me on holiday with her family to this little island they owned in the Med. Me being me, I poured two litres of cooked heroin into my eyeballs because LADS and then canonned a load of urine into her little sister's face for no reason. When the mother asked why I said "'cause LADS" and spat in her eye.

'cos lads.

'Cos lads I'm a lad and once I'm ladding this bird Kate Middleton in this big house and because lads this old bird with a crown comes in so I get my lad out and literally shoot her face off with a stream of urine lads. Then a couple of corgies run in and start lapping it up so I just shrug and have another Stella 'cos I'm a lad.
Click to expand...
You're my hero
 
caught said:
I suppose I should own up. There was this one time when I was seventeen and I was seeing this girl who was 28 and had seven breasts. When she took me home to meet her parents I said hi, madam, sir, and proceded to drink nine bottles of Jack Daniels before urinating all over the gluten free meal her mother had prepared especially for me. When her father asked why I'd do such a thing I just took a dump on the floor and left.

Because lads, innit.

The next day, though, I was going out with this supermodel who said I was the only one for her. This was back when I was having a trial for Utd and got an offer but then I did my cruciate in, lads. Anyway, she took me on holiday with her family to this little island they owned in the Med. Me being me, I poured two litres of cooked heroin into my eyeballs because LADS and then canonned a load of urine into her little sister's face for no reason. When the mother asked why I said "'cause LADS" and spat in her eye.

'cos lads.

'Cos lads I'm a lad and once I'm ladding this bird Kate Middleton in this big house and because lads this old bird with a crown comes in so I get my lad out and literally shoot her face off with a stream of urine lads. Then a couple of corgies run in and start lapping it up so I just shrug and have another Stella 'cos I'm a lad.
Click to expand...

All that urinating on women.....Are you chuck berry?? :oops:
 

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