I'm in such a place of despair right now very thankful this threads exists, even as a means to shed some of turmoil surfacing in my mind. I've written on this thread before but this time I'm going to provide further details of my plight as it seems many members of this forum are very skilled at dispensing sound and poignant counsel. A couple months ago i began a period of severe depression where my thoughts actual thought became jumbled and fractured. As this trend continued I experienced what seemed to be seizures at work. Later they were deemed to be pseudo-seizures with a undetermined cause. This lead to my doctor telling me not drive and me being put on work leave. Unable to work as driving was a key aspect of it, worked in mental health field as behavioral support aid (TSS) don't know if this position exists in the UK. i grew even more restless and distraught,constantly finding myself consumed by dread and agonizing about my life. This lead to me cutting my arms and wrists , while i consulted the crisis unit kind of like Samaritans, next thing i knew police were at my door and escorted me to the hospital in handcuffs. Yes handcuffs, as I was 302 or mandatory assigned to the mental unit by crisis. I found the experience so degrading and painful , like i was being condemned for my mental illness. Once there i spent four days in the psych ward where other than than quick discussion with the psychiartrist on a daily basis I found little comfort or treatment. It resembled more of a containment facility than an actual place to remedy my issues. After being discharged I resolved to correct my issues and seek effective counsel. Of course the day I was suppose to meet an organization for a intake, I got into traffic incident where I was at fault. I drove even though my Dr advised me not to cause i thought treatment was necessary over inaction. The person who hit me had no damage and i thought i just had a smashed door that simply could be replaced. Not so just heard from the auto body place and they informed me that impact is so severe that the car is wrecked. Already in such a precarious place i just continue to berate myself for perceived blunders and the pain continues to overwhelm me. sorry for length of my story , but if anyone could provide insight or even just provide company i would appreciate it. It. I just feel like a massive incompetent joke.
Your story is very touching and is something I dearly wish I could massively help you to overcome.
The reply by
@DualityNSNO is full of sound advice. But take the last sentence from the reply, which is something I have never come across before, but that is probably the best advice anybody could receive. H.O.P.E.
Advice is not always easy to take in at time of real stress and hardship, but SOUND advice can be a blessing.
I was once similar, when for a long time upon waking, I really wished I hadn't.
Talking about and admitting I had a problem helped. Taking prescribed medication helped. Rest and a correct diet helped. TIME was, however, the biggest help.
This is a commodity we have, but when depressed we want all our problems to disappear immediately. This will not happen, but the things which always help, are the ones contained in the last sentence.
Stability will come first, followed by a gradual process where the world is no longer something to fear.
That does come, and when it does, it is a marvellous feeling.
Above all, keep posting ,because there is always a benefit from airing your problems,especially as it can be done on this site as and when you feel the need to. In addition, you can do it with openness to like minded individuals in complete secret and anonymity safe in the knowledge you will always receive excellent advice from many of the excellent contributors to this thread.
