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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Every 90 minutes a British male between 20 and 45 commits suicide in the UK.

COPA90 are working on a project with National charity Maytree that aims to break down the taboo subject of suicide, with our ultimate goal to reduce the UK suicide rates.

As part of this project we want to hear from football fans that have lost relatives or friends from the football community. We are looking for people to share stories, specifically regarding males 20-45 that have been affected.

For more details on this project please visit https://copa90.com/all/copa90-maytree. Or to share your story, contact COPA90: info@copa90.com

If you or anyone you know is suffering with suicidal thoughts please contact Maytree 0207 263 7070 or go to maytree@maytree.org.uk.

Maytree offers a safe non judgemental residential stay of 5 days for those experiencing suicidal thoughts
 
The Dunc said:
I've read some perfectly sound advice from people on this thread.
I can only offer my own observations from families I have dealt with, although please understand I'm not qualified in anything. I have had interactions with so many kids as you have described your girl. Do not under estimate the power of hormonal changes kids go through at this age. They are neither the child that they were not the adult they will become. But they will be shaped by the experiences they have. I believe that right now you need to give your daughter as many positive experiences as you can ( I don't mean spoil her, but an experience that makes you happy even if she isn't excited by it will be remembered by her as a good experience), however do not let her dictate her own boundaries and don't be afraid to provide structure and discipline as she likely needs this right now even if she doesn't realise it.
I think that she needs some positives to remember about being away from her current influences, and if she does open up, just listen and be agreeable don't judge and give your opinions. If she doesn't open up, don't worry, she's just not ready yet. Don't try to force anything,
Make sure that her school and doctor are aware of what she is going through and how you are trying to deal with it. I've seen kids come through horrendous experiences and mature to become awesome adults who are the best amongst us.
Hoping for the best for you.
Please keep us informed.
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Thanks mate, that is what we are trying to do, it’s good to hear that we are doing the right things. I am confident she will come through it, but it is a very tough time. She hears the same advice from her good friends too, but is not always able to realise that it is good advice. I suppose thats the thing with mental illness, sometimes their instincts just take over and they have no control.
 
hallamblue said:
Mum's had a tracheostomy now and is on a ventilator. She's very very weak. She can understand what you are saying and I managed to lip read a few phrases yesterday. It's really hard to see her like this. I took dad yesterday, he hadn't been able to face going in for a couple of days, and he is very upset, mum has always been the strong one. I am going back to Sheffield tomorrow with conflicting emotions. I feel like I am neglecting my mum when she needs me, but also I have been neglecting my own family, and seeing her critically ill is emotionally very difficult.
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I understand how you feel. My Mum passed away in May. She had been terminally ill for several months. During that time I was dividing my time between Durham, where I live, and Liverpool. Immediately before and after she died Hartshead Services on the M62 was like my second home, I spent so much time driving to and from Liverpool. I felt I was neglecting my own family - who totally understood why I was in Liverpool but also didn't want my Dad and my brother in Liverpool to be on their own. You'll work it out. Take care driving though- don't let your mind wander and think about what's going on in your life.
 

My problems seem very small in comparison to some on here but just find myself struggling lately. A relationship ended and that made it worse but haven't been great with a while. I feel lonely but then don't want to meet people. It's a tough time of the year to be on your own. I get home in the evenings and don't talk or meet anyone most of the time til the next day. My communication is on places like this. The winter was never great for me but this year I can't snap out of it..
 
Just got back from my work's Xmas party. Some of you know that I suffer with social anxiety. It was in a function room at a hotel, loud music and lots of drinking. I didn't feel comfortable at all. It got to the point where the people from my team were starting to notice I wasn't myself and were asking if I was ok. Felt a bit like I was ruining it for other people. Made my excuses and quietly slipped out after 2 hours. I really wanted to go and have a good time so I'm frustrated that I couldn't relax.

On the positive side, at least I gave it a go. Six months ago there's no way I'd have even considered going.
 
blue to the bone said:
My problems seem very small in comparison to some on here but just find myself struggling lately. A relationship ended and that made it worse but haven't been great with a while. I feel lonely but then don't want to meet people. It's a tough time of the year to be on your own. I get home in the evenings and don't talk or meet anyone most of the time til the next day. My communication is on places like this. The winter was never great for me but this year I can't snap out of it..
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Hi Blue, first of all mate it was big of you to say that you thought your problem was small in comparison to others, but loneliness is a terrible thing to suffer at any time but especially through the festive season.

You sound as if you're in a cycle you're finding tough to break out of, it would be a start if you sat down and decided what you would really want as you realise yourself the contradiction of loneliness against not wanting to meet someone.It would be unfair to start a relationship if your heart wasn't really in it, on the other hand are you fearful for some reason of starting a relationship and that could be the reason for not wanting to meet anyone, I'm not wanting to pry but could the reason behind your last break up be behind your thought contrast?

If you decide that you would rather not meet anyone at the moment then maybe some form of counselling would be a good idea I'm sure there are others better placed on here to give you advice with regards to that. If you decided that you would like to meet someone then there are a few options for you there, we don't know your age,circumstances or where you live so can't be specific.

Good luck and keep us posted I'm sure someone else will be on here with some sound advice for you.
 
larbert toffee said:
Hi Blue, first of all mate it was big of you to say that you thought your problem was small in comparison to others, but loneliness is a terrible thing to suffer at any time but especially through the festive season.

You sound as if you're in a cycle you're finding tough to break out of, it would be a start if you sat down and decided what you would really want as you realise yourself the contradiction of loneliness against not wanting to meet someone.It would be unfair to start a relationship if your heart wasn't really in it, on the other hand are you fearful for some reason of starting a relationship and that could be the reason for not wanting to meet anyone, I'm not wanting to pry but could the reason behind your last break up be behind your thought contrast?

If you decide that you would rather not meet anyone at the moment then maybe some form of counselling would be a good idea I'm sure there are others better placed on here to give you advice with regards to that. If you decided that you would like to meet someone then there are a few options for you there, we don't know your age,circumstances or where you live so can't be specific.

Good luck and keep us posted I'm sure someone else will be on here with some sound advice for you.
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Thanks. I don't think I'm looking actively for a relationship but been on your own around this time is hard too. I'm not good at relationships with out deliberately doing anything wrong. Have said before I'm a gambling addict in recovery for a few years now but I still carry a lot of baggage from that. Selfishness, immaturity, and I guess when I did gamble I liked Been on my own. So hard to shake off
 

blue to the bone said:
Thanks. I don't think I'm looking actively for a relationship but been on your own around this time is hard too. I'm not good at relationships with out deliberately doing anything wrong. Have said before I'm a gambling addict in recovery for a few years now but I still carry a lot of baggage from that. Selfishness, immaturity, and I guess when I did gamble I liked Been on my own. So hard to shake off
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Well Blue, credit to you for your honesty and well done for managing to keep your recovery going. As an outsider looking in it sounds to me like you would like a relationship but probably have a fear of all the things you mentioned ruining things for you.
Maybe the fact you have been in recovery for a few years has seen you mature which you are not giving yourself credit for, likewise with the selfishness, that could well have been attributed to you when you were gambling but you must have made changes to those traits to help you through your problems.
I mentioned earlier reference counselling, I'm presuming you've had that to help with your addiction I'm just wondering whether that may extend to some form of relationship counselling, this is something out of my territory but something that maybe would give you the confidence you need to prepare yourself to consider dating again.
 
larbert toffee said:
Well Blue, credit to you for your honesty and well done for managing to keep your recovery going. As an outsider looking in it sounds to me like you would like a relationship but probably have a fear of all the things you mentioned ruining things for you.
Maybe the fact you have been in recovery for a few years has seen you mature which you are not giving yourself credit for, likewise with the selfishness, that could well have been attributed to you when you were gambling but you must have made changes to those traits to help you through your problems.
I mentioned earlier reference counselling, I'm presuming you've had that to help with your addiction I'm just wondering whether that may extend to some form of relationship counselling, this is something out of my territory but something that maybe would give you the confidence you need to prepare yourself to consider dating again.
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I attend Ga meetings so that helps.
I think I need to decide what I want to do in all Aspects of my life I guess. Wouldn't say I'm content or too happy really . Small changes might help. As I have said to someone at times I'm existing but not living..
 
efcforever said:
Just got back from my work's Xmas party. Some of you know that I suffer with social anxiety. It was in a function room at a hotel, loud music and lots of drinking. I didn't feel comfortable at all. It got to the point where the people from my team were starting to notice I wasn't myself and were asking if I was ok. Felt a bit like I was ruining it for other people. Made my excuses and quietly slipped out after 2 hours. I really wanted to go and have a good time so I'm frustrated that I couldn't relax.

On the positive side, at least I gave it a go. Six months ago there's no way I'd have even considered going.
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You went, you stayed for a bit. That's a big deal. Nice one.
 
blue to the bone said:
My problems seem very small in comparison to some on here but just find myself struggling lately. A relationship ended and that made it worse but haven't been great with a while. I feel lonely but then don't want to meet people. It's a tough time of the year to be on your own. I get home in the evenings and don't talk or meet anyone most of the time til the next day. My communication is on places like this. The winter was never great for me but this year I can't snap out of it..
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May sound a bit leftfield, but have you thought about getting a dog mate ?

Some breeds of dogs are fine with being left alone during the day - Greyhounds being one, as they are so lazy !

A dog is a wonderful companion, doesn`t judge you, loves you whatever and also needs walking, which gets you out of the house and is a good way of meeting new people too.

My old Spaniel helped me through some real dark times years ago. I honestly don`t know where I`d have been without her.
 

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