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Just talk to someone
Sometimes that's all you need.
Just open up to a professional that you trust.
You will be helped. I can't stress that enough.
johnnydawg68
Chairperson, People's Front of Saint Domingo
Soz, I need to share some things here. This has been the worst week of my life. On Monday night/Tuesday morning my home was burglarized. They stole my car, my keys, my wallet, my phone, my ipad...all while I was sleeping. Insurance deductibles are sky high. Luckily some friends have raised money for me online to help pay for it, and for that I am truly thankful. I could never ask for help myself, but I have some friends who took it upon themselves to just do it.
But, the night before I had been over to my parents house and it became increasingly clear to me that things were not well with my father, health wise. Some of you may already know that mother has Alzheimers and is completely dependent on my da. He has show increasing signs that his health is failing. Thursday he managed to drive himself, and my mother, to the hospital. They kept him there, and I went last night and today. Today I got the preliminary diagnosis from the doctor. Lung Cancer. 90% sure. My mother is with me now, but I am so ill-equipped to take care of a 73 year old woman with Alzheimers it's not funny.
If the biopsy comes back with the worst news, it's fatal. 6 months or so for my dad.
I've spent the better part of the week in tears, whilst trying to hold down a job, keep my family together, get my life back in order...I'm on a razors edge emotionally. I'm exhausted, drained, scared out of my mind, and feeling very unworthy of the responsibilities in front of me.
I don't even know what I'm doing saying these things here other than this place is special to me, and so are the people. I just hope I have the strength and patience to endure.
God bless anyone else who is going through similar. I know the universe doesn't revolve around me but dammit this is a lot for one man in one week.
But, the night before I had been over to my parents house and it became increasingly clear to me that things were not well with my father, health wise. Some of you may already know that mother has Alzheimers and is completely dependent on my da. He has show increasing signs that his health is failing. Thursday he managed to drive himself, and my mother, to the hospital. They kept him there, and I went last night and today. Today I got the preliminary diagnosis from the doctor. Lung Cancer. 90% sure. My mother is with me now, but I am so ill-equipped to take care of a 73 year old woman with Alzheimers it's not funny.
If the biopsy comes back with the worst news, it's fatal. 6 months or so for my dad.
I've spent the better part of the week in tears, whilst trying to hold down a job, keep my family together, get my life back in order...I'm on a razors edge emotionally. I'm exhausted, drained, scared out of my mind, and feeling very unworthy of the responsibilities in front of me.
I don't even know what I'm doing saying these things here other than this place is special to me, and so are the people. I just hope I have the strength and patience to endure.
God bless anyone else who is going through similar. I know the universe doesn't revolve around me but dammit this is a lot for one man in one week.
Christ mate...when it rains it feckin pours!
Can't even begin to offer solace of any sort.
You're a good man...not only in this place, but the RL testimonials you've gotten here tell the bigger story. You'll sort it out however the punches may come.
It's all about that really with life, isn't it? The punches come and go...and sometimes life throws them in a crazy combination. You just gotta roll with them and sort it out as you go.
Probably not helpful at all...stay strong mate.
Can't even begin to offer solace of any sort.
You're a good man...not only in this place, but the RL testimonials you've gotten here tell the bigger story. You'll sort it out however the punches may come.
It's all about that really with life, isn't it? The punches come and go...and sometimes life throws them in a crazy combination. You just gotta roll with them and sort it out as you go.
Probably not helpful at all...stay strong mate.
kithnou
Player Valuation: £70m
Hi mate. Further to @ilikecheese's reply. You seem a great guy. Hang in there. I know it is easy to say those words but you have to.
Is there anyone you can talk to regularly, a professional, even if to just be able to unload whenever needed?
I think that would also help.
One day at a time mate. Don't overthink things if possible. Again, easy for me to say hey?
BiggyRat
Player Valuation: £35m
Sweet Jesus Johnny, that's one hell of a week!
I was about to add to my story, namely that I've blown the engine on my car, but in perspective, I bet you'd happily trade with me.
Like Cheesy above, I can't begin to offer any solace but I can give you my 2 cents worth.
I think you need to sit down with your old man & ask him what he wants. If it is, God forbid, the worst case scenario, see how he wants to play it out. Would he want to be with your Mum, or would he like to have some time to himself in order to fight it, or be at peace in however long he has. I apologise if that sounds morbid, but I've seen too many blokes from around that generation who seem to believe it is their responsibility to be the primary carer of their partner. It is, indeed, honourable and noble, but they lose themselves in the process. It's almost a year since my Mum passed away and my Dad has never been fitter, healthier, and mentally alert. Accompanying that is a small sense of guilt sadly, but he's looking after himself now.
Obviously, this would all depend on how much of a grip that insidious disease, Altzheimers, has on your Mum but, let your Dad know that it might be time for him to pass the baton for your Mums care to someone else.
I was about to add to my story, namely that I've blown the engine on my car, but in perspective, I bet you'd happily trade with me.
Like Cheesy above, I can't begin to offer any solace but I can give you my 2 cents worth.
I think you need to sit down with your old man & ask him what he wants. If it is, God forbid, the worst case scenario, see how he wants to play it out. Would he want to be with your Mum, or would he like to have some time to himself in order to fight it, or be at peace in however long he has. I apologise if that sounds morbid, but I've seen too many blokes from around that generation who seem to believe it is their responsibility to be the primary carer of their partner. It is, indeed, honourable and noble, but they lose themselves in the process. It's almost a year since my Mum passed away and my Dad has never been fitter, healthier, and mentally alert. Accompanying that is a small sense of guilt sadly, but he's looking after himself now.
Obviously, this would all depend on how much of a grip that insidious disease, Altzheimers, has on your Mum but, let your Dad know that it might be time for him to pass the baton for your Mums care to someone else.
The Esk
Player Valuation: £70m
Sound advice mate!
T LEAFE
Player Valuation: £40m
The first thing you should try is getting some respite care for your mum. My 89 year old mum who has Alzheimer's lives with us and it relentless. Ask the council if she can go to a home for as long as necessary whilst you look after your dad and everything else. Hopefully she will see it as a holiday and it will give you more time to look after your dad when he needs you.
You need as much help as possible. It sounds like you have got a great bunch of friends. I'm sure they will be able to help as much as they can. Don't be afraid to ask them.
No one could cope alone with what you are going through. You sound a fantastic person who cares so much about your family. You should be proud of yourself. But use as much help as you can. And talk to whoever you feel comfortable doing so. It sounds easier to say that but it's always helped me looking back.
All the best with you dad and keep posting on here-there are some great people on this forum who will be rooting for you
johnnydawg68
Chairperson, People's Front of Saint Domingo
Got the worst news possible. Dad has terminal lung cancer. Both lungs. Inoperable. Months to live.
kinell mate, doesn't rain but it pours. Is he nearby to you? Can you spend some good time with him? Don't know how I'd cope with that news to be honest.
Holy crap. Do you have any brothers or sisters that could help out? Alzheimer's is an absolute abomination of a disease, and I would strongly endorse T LEAFE's suggestion of getting respite care for your mother. You can get anything from respite for a day or two during the week to full-time convalescence until you can get things organized. Private care is ludicrously expensive though and, if it's anything like Ireland, public waiting lists will be long and indefinite, so part-time private care might be the only option feasible to you in your current situation. I feel terrible about your dad, I hope you guys make the best of the time he has left. Keep us posted and remember you're not alone. Your friends sound like great people and I have no doubt they'll help you through this.
No words mate. It's the time you have, so make the most of it....wish I could offer more.
Jesus mate...and your mum at the same time after a bit of reflection. Heavy stuff mate. I'm usually great at helping my friends with their problems. This one tho...PM me mate if you need anything.