Jokes Thread

[Sarnia Kevin]

Son: I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge today at school.
Dad: What's that?
Son: It's a big building full of kids, but that's not important right now.

 

[Joey66]

You assured us that your new phone had a spell checker ?

Could you please switch it on

* @mods could you thread ban @Joey66 from this thread for the sake of everyone`s sanity.

Just because you and others could not get my story of a joke that took this ex army guy who conned us to listening too thinking it was a genuine tale.... at least one guy got it

 

[COYBL25]

Just because you and others could not get my story of a joke that took this ex army guy who conned us to listening too thinking it was a genuine tale.... at least one guy got it

Not a bad strike rate really.

One person out of the whole forum

 

[Billysgingham.]

Due to a water shortage in Ireland a Dublin swimming baths are closing lanes 7 and 8.

 

[Billysgingham.]

I've just booked a table for Valentine's night for me and the wife, it's bound to end in tears though she is crap at snooker.

 

[Barry Rathbone]

I was delivering a van load of monkeys to the zoo and broke down.

Paddy was coming the other way with an empty van so I waved him down and asked could he take them to the zoo if I give him £50.

He did but an hour later as the AA man was fixing the van he came past slowing to see how things were and he still had the monkeys on board

"what's the score, Paddy? I give you 50 quid to take them to the zoo"

Paddy replied "I did but had a few quid left so I thought they might like a trip to the cinema as well"

 

[Joey66]

Not a bad strike rate really.

One person out of the whole forum

One who does not smoke Astro turf lol
If you go back a few pages my last joke o my got one like too very consistent......

 

[Cels]

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[SiEdmo]

Contact lenses are like parents, the older they get the more they irritate you and then finally you lose one and the one that is left just gives you a constant headache

 

[Joey66]

 

[Joey66]

 

[Joey66]

 

[Joey66]

 

[Joey66]

 

[Joey66]