Jokes Thread

[-Rob-]

Do magicians make ta da lists ?

What do you call a magician that has no magic?

Ian

 

[summerisle]

What do you call a magician that has no magic?

Ian

Boom,boom. lol

 

[Sharpattack]

What do you call a magician that has no magic?

Ian

Took me about 10 minutes to figure that out! lol

 

[Cellardweller]

Two priests at a Bucking Bronco contest. The first priest hardly lasts 30 seconds, but the second priest lasts well over 2 minutes and walks away with the prize money. The first priest says, "I don't know how you do it." The second replies, "One of my choirboys is epileptic!"

 

[Bishop Thumpety-Thump]

I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.... She was in charge of the hops!

Was her name Eileen?

 

[summerisle]

I'm allergic to bread but I eat it anyway.
I'm a gluten for punishment.

 

[summerisle]

 

[Methuselah]

Everyone knows about Michelangelo and his painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. No one ever mentions the Giuseppe Brothers who tiled the floor.

 

[royalblue66]

Little kid was crying be cause his mum had put ginger in his curry, his dad said I don't blame him,he loved that cat.

 

[Cels]

​

 

[gonetomorrow]

I've been sacked from Scotland Yard's canteen for wasting police thyme.

That's awful.

 

[blueloon]

Going home last night I took a short cut past the cemetery, when these three girls came up saying they were really scared , could they walk along with me. “ No problem “ I said , “ I used to feel the same when I was alive ... “ Never seen youngsters move so fast.

 

[LEONARD]

Newcastle Utd are a 'big club'.

 

[LostLegend]

Me: Doctor Doctor, i have an irrational fear of birds, it's so bad that I've had to buy a gun to feel safe.

Doctor: Now now, you're getting carried away!

Me *firing gun into the ceiling*: NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT!

 

[Lloydystark]

Doctor doctor “every time I finish having a w*nk I start singing you’l never walk alone”...
Doctor says “it’s okay lots of w*nkers sing that” lol