Worst person you've slept with

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Adam_EFC said:
Heard a story from a mate I used to work with. One of his mates had pulled this fit asian lady and brought him back to the hostel he was staying at. She insists that she wants it up the backdoor so he's obviously made up and goes at it. He reaches round the front to give her the old cheeky finger and finds a big stiff one. He was off his head on all kinds and looked at her face and decided she/he was still gorgeous and decided to toss him off and carry on!
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Not having that
 
ArtetaMoney said:
Not having that
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Can't say as to whether it's true or not but this is the story I was told. To be fair he was a bit of a nutter that lad. Not the one in the story but my mate from work. Saw videos of him with this fat stripper getting his nose flicked by her dinner plate sized nipples while he was off his head on who knows what. So maybe it is true and maybe it isn't but it always gives me a good go to story for these kind of situations lol.
 
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Slept with someone in March of this year, wasn't even ugly and was fairly attractive. That is where the goodness ends, about 4 weeks later I got really bad itching and realised I came home with something usually found at the beach.

I was mortified and terrified that I'd infest the entire house via carpets. Obviously I wouldn't be telling my mum and dad so as a back-up plan I said to my mum that I thought I saw a flea on the dog. The poor dog was getting Frontline Spot On and wire combed for days, felt guilty looking at her.

For that reason alone it has been the worst ever.
 
GwladysBlue said:
Slept with someone in March of this year, wasn't even ugly and was fairly attractive. That is where the goodness ends, about 4 weeks later I got really bad itching and realised I came home with something usually found at the beach.

I was mortified and terrified that I'd infest the entire house via carpets. Obviously I wouldn't be telling my mum and dad so as a back-up plan I said to my mum that I thought I saw a flea on the dog. The poor dog was getting Frontline Spot On and wire combed for days, felt guilty looking at her.

For that reason alone it has been the worst ever.
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Stop rubbing your balls on the carpet maybe?
 

GwladysBlue said:
If only it was that simple. The Royal of a Monday morning giving me advice on how to avoid it spreading was not one of my finest moments.
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I went to St Paul's and was early, so sat in the main foyer. Guy comes over, tells me it Aids Awareness day and would I fill in a quiz to test my knowledge of the disease.
I filled it in and he told me to put it in a box. I forgot all about it.
About a week later my wife answers the phone and its the sexual health clinic at the Royal asking for me.
I got into serious trouble with her, but it turns out I had won a raffle for a Wii and Wii Fit
:dance:
 
Adam_EFC said:
Heard a story from a mate I used to work with. One of his mates had pulled this fit asian lady and brought him back to the hostel he was staying at. She insists that she wants it up the backdoor so he's obviously made up and goes at it. He reaches round the front to give her the old cheeky finger and finds a big stiff one. He was off his head on all kinds and looked at her face and decided she/he was still gorgeous and decided to toss him off and carry on!
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"a mate" ;)
 
Bluefin said:
I went to St Paul's and was early, so sat in the main foyer. Guy comes over, tells me it Aids Awareness day and would I fill in a quiz to test my knowledge of the disease.
I filled it in and he told me to put it in a box. I forgot all about it.
About a week later my wife answers the phone and its the sexual health clinic at the Royal asking for me.
I got into serious trouble with her, but it turns out I had won a raffle for a Wii and Wii Fit
:dance:
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Hahaha, I can understand why she'd be unhappy! Next time I go I'll ask can I enter the raffle...
 

GwladysBlue said:
Slept with someone in March of this year, wasn't even ugly and was fairly attractive. That is where the goodness ends, about 4 weeks later I got really bad itching and realised I came home with something usually found at the beach.

I was mortified and terrified that I'd infest the entire house via carpets. Obviously I wouldn't be telling my mum and dad so as a back-up plan I said to my mum that I thought I saw a flea on the dog. The poor dog was getting Frontline Spot On and wire combed for days, felt guilty looking at her.

For that reason alone it has been the worst ever.
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Reminds me of a story I heard years ago.

Guy pulls a lass, brings her home. During heated passion she asks him for some back door action. He obviously obliged. Post coitus they realise they'd left a nasty stain on the white faux leather sofa. Lad has a cunning plan and blames it on the elderly dog, who in her old age had developed a bit of a loose bowel problem.

Next day the guys mother decides enough is enough with the pooch, who is swiftly sent off to be euthanised.

True story
 
Once was in a club pinned up against a wall being pulled by this...... girl, my mates thought it was hilarious and left me so I thought [Poor language removed] it and went and got more dutch courage.... alot more. The two things I remember from that night: Being sick outside KFC, and coming round to find her on top of me, and she was too big for me to move her.....
 
steken1 said:
Me and a mate spotted two of the fattest women I've ever seen out trying to dance. One of them was knackered after about 30 seconds of R.Kelly's bump n grind.

Anyway we've started calling them Earthquake and Typhoon after the wrestlers from back in the day. They came dancing over to us cos they'd seen us watching them and asked could they buy us a drink. I thought 'Feck that, being seen with these units' but said nah, we'll go back to yours for a bevy if ya want?. They did.

They had an apartment above ted baker on Matthew st, a duplex thingy were you could see the living room. The smokehouse thing is there now.

My one was massive but had a pretty face, his one was just massive. Anyway, I went up the bedroom and started ploughing away, he stayed downstairs in the bedroom there. After I'd finished I said I was going the toilet, sneaked me clobber up off the floor and crept towards the front door, which took me past the bedroom. I decided to have a little look in before I got off.

I could see my mate trying to lift her legs up over his shoulders, he was at it for abar 3 or 4 minutes and just gave up, she was too fat. In the end he tried again for one leg and got it over. I was made up for him.

He told me the next day that my fat one had came down and got in the bed with them. He's told me he told them to both bend over and cos they were that big one of them fell off the bed and made the loudest bang he's ever heard, he just got on the floor and boffed her there while her mate waited for her turn.

He got a sausage and egg barm and had a shower in the morning before he got off.
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If you could see the tears running down my face right now from laughing so hard....
 
GwladysBlue said:
Slept with someone in March of this year, wasn't even ugly and was fairly attractive. That is where the goodness ends, about 4 weeks later I got really bad itching and realised I came home with something usually found at the beach.

I was mortified and terrified that I'd infest the entire house via carpets. Obviously I wouldn't be telling my mum and dad so as a back-up plan I said to my mum that I thought I saw a flea on the dog. The poor dog was getting Frontline Spot On and wire combed for days, felt guilty looking at her.

For that reason alone it has been the worst ever.
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Was i the only one who thought it ironic that "Eggs likes this?"
 
Ive got a close second actually. Met a German lass in Australia(her first night there as well), nice and all. After talking to her for all of 5 minutes noticed all she is talking about is Robbie fn Williams. Told her 'Listen, if i take you back to the hostel and shag you, will you please shut the f up about Robbie Williams?' She said yes, that was fun.





She then stalked me literally across the country.....
 

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