Worst person you've slept with

Status
Not open for further replies.
AdaBrummieblue said:
I was in a moody llittle rock pub in Brum one day, knocking back gallons of lager. Was depressed as hell over something so went on a right bender. This big lass came and stood next to me at the bar. I don't usually go for owt over a size 12 (I'm a git tbh), but I just fancied a bit and she was not bad looking. Got chatting and it turns out she was sat with her fella. So I bought 'em both a drink which I took over to him and told him she was gonna stay with me for a while. (Did I mention I'm a git)? We had a few and I persuaded her to leave with me. Could barely walk by now but ended up dragging her into a multi storey car park. Romantic fecker I am. Got her to drop her jeans but she was even bigger than I thought. This huge mass of flesh dropped down. Struggled to get the condom on for a while then I managed to do the deed for a minutre or two before I realised that Little Ada had gone on strike. I mumbled something about being sorry and she started to cry. Felt real bad cos her fella was probably gonna dump her and she didn't even get a bit. I don't know if she was the worst I've ever "had sex" with but I reckon I was probably the worst she'd ever had.
Click to expand...

Did her tears not bring Little Ada back to life? Always works for me.
 
the esk said:
For a while I have had this thing with a girl called Roberta.

First time, everything was perfect, great body, foreplay , sex, she said the right things and had a beautiful sexy voice.

Second time, foreplay not so good and frankly the sex has been insipid.

Question is, was the first time a fluke even though it was really good? Or is my second experience more like what's due in the future?

I hope we can sort it as it has the potential for a match made in heaven.
Click to expand...



Sounds like she needs to learn a few new positions in January. You should start a poll and see whether she's worth holding on to or if she's straying into dumpsville. Just don't make it straight after bad sex.
 

the esk said:
For a while I have had this thing with a girl called Roberta.

First time, everything was perfect, great body, foreplay , sex, she said the right things and had a beautiful sexy voice.

Second time, foreplay not so good and frankly the sex has been insipid.

Question is, was the first time a fluke even though it was really good? Or is my second experience more like what's due in the future?

I hope we can sort it as it has the potential for a match made in heaven.
Click to expand...


Merge this with the 'wearing the mask thread'. Keep it on topic, gawd!
 
AdaBrummieblue said:
I was in a moody llittle rock pub in Brum one day, knocking back gallons of lager. Was depressed as hell over something so went on a right bender. This big lass came and stood next to me at the bar. I don't usually go for owt over a size 12 (I'm a git tbh), but I just fancied a bit and she was not bad looking. Got chatting and it turns out she was sat with her fella. So I bought 'em both a drink which I took over to him and told him she was gonna stay with me for a while. (Did I mention I'm a git)? We had a few and I persuaded her to leave with me. Could barely walk by now but ended up dragging her into a multi storey car park. Romantic fecker I am. Got her to drop her jeans but she was even bigger than I thought. This huge mass of flesh dropped down. Struggled to get the condom on for a while then I managed to do the deed for a minutre or two before I realised that Little Ada had gone on strike. I mumbled something about being sorry and she started to cry. Felt real bad cos her fella was probably gonna dump her and she didn't even get a bit. I don't know if she was the worst I've ever "had sex" with but I reckon I was probably the worst she'd ever had.
Click to expand...
You got in there just in time before I responded. LOL ;)
 
Robertor said:
Me and my now wife got together at school when we were both 15 so I don't have as many strange stories as some but this one's up there with the strangest... We were 17 and her family had been kind enough to invite me on a family holiday with them and it would be the first time we'd been away together, so on the second night we go out with her brother and his girlfriend and stay out until about 6 in the morning but naturally when we were both pissed got back to the hotel and felt like a quickie before breakfast, so we go to our room which is on the second floor of the hotel and is right in-between her mum and dad's room and her brother's room, so we're going at it on the bed and next thing i hear is laughing from the balcony outside so I turned round to see her brother laughing and taking a picture of my bare arse and her legs up in the air from his balcony next door, so naturally after consuming about 30 times the recommended amount of alcohol i ran out onto the balcony and tried to reach across the balcony and rob his phone off him to delete the photo, in trying to do so i fall off into the gap in between the two balconies right down to the bottom where the sliding doors are from reception to the pool, with a broken arm and my flaccid penis with condom still on unveiled like a prize on a gameshow. To make matters worse the man from behind the desk runs over to check I'm okay, removes the condom and gives me a pair of extra small speedos to put on to cover myself up, and being a 6'3 man with a 36 inch waist there wasn't much left to the imagination for the many guests at the hotel to look at when I walked past the queue of at least 40 hotel guests waiting to go into the restaurant for their breakfast.
Click to expand...
Jesus! Poor fella! Least you married her eh?
 

Quite senior in years so had a few unusual episodes, so here goes:

Whilst approximately 25 (serving in HM Forces - Germany) i met a female soldier who took me to a local B&B for the obvious. She explained that she would like it doggie so I obliged. After doing the motions for a while she explained that she had been very naughty and needed to be punished, did not click straight away, too busy enjoying myself, but she promptly asked me to start slapping her. Gently goes but she was not happy, explained that she had been really naughty so ended out slapping her like i was in the home straight at the Grand National.

Suffice to say she had a great night but the site of her bruised arse the next day was something to behold.

Still serving Queen and country I was listening to the radio whilst in Aldershot and Heart FM where doing a dating programme which my work colleagues entered me for, I had to go on the radio and give the cringiest answer to a girl and she would pick one of three, I was picked.

I took her for a meal in a restaurant in Dartford and had been booked into a hotel for the night, she turns up, supposed to be 30, more like 50 (and married) and made it known that I was the one for her, went to the toilet and phoned the lads up for a rescue lift - did not happen. Went back and had meal, went for a drink and put her in taxi, went to hotel (5mins walk) and she had followed me, went to room for one drink, went to bog to find her naked on bed, explained that i was gay, she was having none of it. She was given my number by the radio station so stalked me for weeks afterwards.

Had to give a brief to the radio station on how the date went in order to get my money back - they would not initially give them my money back unless I went live to spk about it, when i mentioned solicitors I got my dosh, but had too change telephone number.

Third and final one was when i was living in the Mess and their was a female soldier amongst others living in their too. A gang of us went to the local and all got drunk, we ended up in her room drinking and I fell asleep, was awoken by her giving me a nosh, this i did not complain about, indeed stood up whilst still in her mouth and started to undress to finish this thing off, she stopped and basically siad this goes no further unless I gizz all over her face of which I oblige, she rubs it in and starts getting me ready for round two.

Met some strange ones in my time, none of which i would marry, but plenty i think of fondly.......
 
Ralphie Boy said:
Quite senior in years so had a few unusual episodes, so here goes:

Whilst approximately 25 (serving in HM Forces - Germany) i met a female soldier who took me to a local B&B for the obvious. She explained that she would like it doggie so I obliged. After doing the motions for a while she explained that she had been very naughty and needed to be punished, did not click straight away, too busy enjoying myself, but she promptly asked me to start slapping her. Gently goes but she was not happy, explained that she had been really naughty so ended out slapping her like i was in the home straight at the Grand National.

Suffice to say she had a great night but the site of her bruised arse the next day was something to behold.

Still serving Queen and country I was listening to the radio whilst in Aldershot and Heart FM where doing a dating programme which my work colleagues entered me for, I had to go on the radio and give the cringiest answer to a girl and she would pick one of three, I was picked.

I took her for a meal in a restaurant in Dartford and had been booked into a hotel for the night, she turns up, supposed to be 30, more like 50 (and married) and made it known that I was the one for her, went to the toilet and phoned the lads up for a rescue lift - did not happen. Went back and had meal, went for a drink and put her in taxi, went to hotel (5mins walk) and she had followed me, went to room for one drink, went to bog to find her naked on bed, explained that i was gay, she was having none of it. She was given my number by the radio station so stalked me for weeks afterwards.

Had to give a brief to the radio station on how the date went in order to get my money back - they would not initially give them my money back unless I went live to spk about it, when i mentioned solicitors I got my dosh, but had too change telephone number.

Third and final one was when i was living in the Mess and their was a female soldier amongst others living in their too. A gang of us went to the local and all got drunk, we ended up in her room drinking and I fell asleep, was awoken by her giving me a nosh, this i did not complain about, indeed stood up whilst still in her mouth and started to undress to finish this thing off, she stopped and basically siad this goes no further unless I gizz all over her face of which I oblige, she rubs it in and starts getting me ready for round two.

Met some strange ones in my time, none of which i would marry, but plenty i think of fondly.......
Click to expand...

It's meant to be your worst not your best ffs! :D
 
Ralphie Boy said:
Quite senior in years so had a few unusual episodes, so here goes:

Whilst approximately 25 (serving in HM Forces - Germany) i met a female soldier who took me to a local B&B for the obvious. She explained that she would like it doggie so I obliged. After doing the motions for a while she explained that she had been very naughty and needed to be punished, did not click straight away, too busy enjoying myself, but she promptly asked me to start slapping her. Gently goes but she was not happy, explained that she had been really naughty so ended out slapping her like i was in the home straight at the Grand National.

Suffice to say she had a great night but the site of her bruised arse the next day was something to behold.

Still serving Queen and country I was listening to the radio whilst in Aldershot and Heart FM where doing a dating programme which my work colleagues entered me for, I had to go on the radio and give the cringiest answer to a girl and she would pick one of three, I was picked.

I took her for a meal in a restaurant in Dartford and had been booked into a hotel for the night, she turns up, supposed to be 30, more like 50 (and married) and made it known that I was the one for her, went to the toilet and phoned the lads up for a rescue lift - did not happen. Went back and had meal, went for a drink and put her in taxi, went to hotel (5mins walk) and she had followed me, went to room for one drink, went to bog to find her naked on bed, explained that i was gay, she was having none of it. She was given my number by the radio station so stalked me for weeks afterwards.

Had to give a brief to the radio station on how the date went in order to get my money back - they would not initially give them my money back unless I went live to spk about it, when i mentioned solicitors I got my dosh, but had too change telephone number.

Third and final one was when i was living in the Mess and their was a female soldier amongst others living in their too. A gang of us went to the local and all got drunk, we ended up in her room drinking and I fell asleep, was awoken by her giving me a nosh, this i did not complain about, indeed stood up whilst still in her mouth and started to undress to finish this thing off, she stopped and basically siad this goes no further unless I gizz all over her face of which I oblige, she rubs it in and starts getting me ready for round two.

Met some strange ones in my time, none of which i would marry, but plenty i think of fondly.......
Click to expand...

Classic humblebrag. The only bad one there is one you didn't sleep with!

Seriously though, why didn't you?
 

Status
Not open for further replies.

Welcome to GrandOldTeam

Get involved. Registration is simple and free.

Register
Back
Top