Worst person you've slept with

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Me and my now wife got together at school when we were both 15 so I don't have as many strange stories as some but this one's up there with the strangest... We were 17 and her family had been kind enough to invite me on a family holiday with them and it would be the first time we'd been away together, so on the second night we go out with her brother and his girlfriend and stay out until about 6 in the morning but naturally when we were both pissed got back to the hotel and felt like a quickie before breakfast, so we go to our room which is on the second floor of the hotel and is right in-between her mum and dad's room and her brother's room, so we're going at it on the bed and next thing i hear is laughing from the balcony outside so I turned round to see her brother laughing and taking a picture of my bare arse and her legs up in the air from his balcony next door, so naturally after consuming about 30 times the recommended amount of alcohol i ran out onto the balcony and tried to reach across the balcony and rob his phone off him to delete the photo, in trying to do so i fall off into the gap in between the two balconies right down to the bottom where the sliding doors are from reception to the pool, with a broken arm and my flaccid penis with condom still on unveiled like a prize on a gameshow. To make matters worse the man from behind the desk runs over to check I'm okay, removes the condom and gives me a pair of extra small speedos to put on to cover myself up, and being a 6'3 man with a 36 inch waist there wasn't much left to the imagination for the many guests at the hotel to look at when I walked past the queue of at least 40 hotel guests waiting to go into the restaurant for their breakfast.
 
Tough job to add to the thread after some the genius I've read in it.

Wracking my brains but only one really moody one stands out. She had a sleeve tattoo in the 90s which at that particular point put her in 0.000000001% of the population. I think she might have been a bit Goth as she had black fingernails too but as @steken1 fell for too, a pretty face. Which got prettier after a truck load of brandy and coke in town.

I took her back to the hotel she had through work and she done an impromptu strip tease for me where I worked out she wasn't fat but either worked down the docks or had a genetic condition which made her generate loads of muscle. She was stocky like.

I urged her to get me a spirit from the bar and necked it in one and pretended that it made me take the knock. The act didn't matter as she started to seduce me by pinning me with what would now be recognised as an MMA move to the bed.

She kissed with her teeth.

I've tried best to bury the rest of that experience but it's safe to say I got lashed about a bit and had to concentrate very hard on my wank bank and imagine I was somewhere else yo maintain erection as she tried to rip it clean off and ask me repeatedly if I was having fun.

I woke at 6am with her arm across me. I work out a fair bit to this day but I can honestly say I've never benched anything so stubborn as that lone tattooed arm. Collected clothes at the bottom of the bed and went into the corridor in my boxies to continue to get dressed lest I awaken the beast and pinned me in her cage again.

Thankfully I fessed to one of my best mates and he never let's me forget it. He wouldn't even drink from the same pint glass as me for seven years as he was convinced I had AIDS from her - as a bare minimum.
 
took this slightly (cough) older-than-me woman back to student halls all those years ago. rough as a badgers arse but I cracked on regardless.

Bizzarely, every thrust was greeted by a snorting sound, almost an oink. By the end it was like the proclamations of Snowball.
 
Robertor said:
Me and my now wife got together at school when we were both 15 so I don't have as many strange stories as some but this one's up there with the strangest... We were 17 and her family had been kind enough to invite me on a family holiday with them and it would be the first time we'd been away together, so on the second night we go out with her brother and his girlfriend and stay out until about 6 in the morning but naturally when we were both pissed got back to the hotel and felt like a quickie before breakfast, so we go to our room which is on the second floor of the hotel and is right in-between her mum and dad's room and her brother's room, so we're going at it on the bed and next thing i hear is laughing from the balcony outside so I turned round to see her brother laughing and taking a picture of my bare arse and her legs up in the air from his balcony next door, so naturally after consuming about 30 times the recommended amount of alcohol i ran out onto the balcony and tried to reach across the balcony and rob his phone off him to delete the photo, in trying to do so i fall off into the gap in between the two balconies right down to the bottom where the sliding doors are from reception to the pool, with a broken arm and my flaccid penis with condom still on unveiled like a prize on a gameshow. To make matters worse the man from behind the desk runs over to check I'm okay, removes the condom and gives me a pair of extra small speedos to put on to cover myself up, and being a 6'3 man with a 36 inch waist there wasn't much left to the imagination for the many guests at the hotel to look at when I walked past the queue of at least 40 hotel guests waiting to go into the restaurant for their breakfast.
Click to expand...
Lol!
 
chicoazul said:
Tough job to add to the thread after some the genius I've read in it.

Wracking my brains but only one really moody one stands out. She had a sleeve tattoo in the 90s which at that particular point put her in 0.000000001% of the population. I think she might have been a bit Goth as she had black fingernails too but as @steken1 fell for too, a pretty face. Which got prettier after a truck load of brandy and coke in town.

I took her back to the hotel she had through work and she done an impromptu strip tease for me where I worked out she wasn't fat but either worked down the docks or had a genetic condition which made her generate loads of muscle. She was stocky like.

I urged her to get me a spirit from the bar and necked it in one and pretended that it made me take the knock. The act didn't matter as she started to seduce me by pinning me with what would now be recognised as an MMA move to the bed.

She kissed with her teeth.

I've tried best to bury the rest of that experience but it's safe to say I got lashed about a bit and had to concentrate very hard on my wank bank and imagine I was somewhere else yo maintain erection as she tried to rip it clean off and ask me repeatedly if I was having fun.

I woke at 6am with her arm across me. I work out a fair bit to this day but I can honestly say I've never benched anything so stubborn as that lone tattooed arm. Collected clothes at the bottom of the bed and went into the corridor in my boxies to continue to get dressed lest I awaken the beast and pinned me in her cage again.

Thankfully I fessed to one of my best mates and he never let's me forget it. He wouldn't even drink from the same pint glass as me for seven years as he was convinced I had AIDS from her - as a bare minimum.
Click to expand...
Absolute Gold!
 

Robertor said:
Me and my now wife got together at school when we were both 15 so I don't have as many strange stories as some but this one's up there with the strangest... We were 17 and her family had been kind enough to invite me on a family holiday with them and it would be the first time we'd been away together, so on the second night we go out with her brother and his girlfriend and stay out until about 6 in the morning but naturally when we were both pissed got back to the hotel and felt like a quickie before breakfast, so we go to our room which is on the second floor of the hotel and is right in-between her mum and dad's room and her brother's room, so we're going at it on the bed and next thing i hear is laughing from the balcony outside so I turned round to see her brother laughing and taking a picture of my bare arse and her legs up in the air from his balcony next door, so naturally after consuming about 30 times the recommended amount of alcohol i ran out onto the balcony and tried to reach across the balcony and rob his phone off him to delete the photo, in trying to do so i fall off into the gap in between the two balconies right down to the bottom where the sliding doors are from reception to the pool, with a broken arm and my flaccid penis with condom still on unveiled like a prize on a gameshow. To make matters worse the man from behind the desk runs over to check I'm okay, removes the condom and gives me a pair of extra small speedos to put on to cover myself up, and being a 6'3 man with a 36 inch waist there wasn't much left to the imagination for the many guests at the hotel to look at when I walked past the queue of at least 40 hotel guests waiting to go into the restaurant for their breakfast.
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If true this is superb.

(Sympathies over the broken arm like).
 
Reading this thread just proves my theory that any woman, at any time of the day, anywhere, can get laid if she so desires....
 

For a while I have had this thing with a girl called Roberta.

First time, everything was perfect, great body, foreplay , sex, she said the right things and had a beautiful sexy voice.

Second time, foreplay not so good and frankly the sex has been insipid.

Question is, was the first time a fluke even though it was really good? Or is my second experience more like what's due in the future?

I hope we can sort it as it has the potential for a match made in heaven.
 
the esk said:
For a while I have had this thing with a girl called Roberta.

First time, everything was perfect, great body, foreplay , sex, she said the right things and had a beautiful sexy voice.

Second time, foreplay not so good and frankly the sex has been insipid.

Question is, was the first time a fluke even though it was really good? Or is my second experience more like what's due in the future?

I hope we can sort it as it has the potential for a match made in heaven.
Click to expand...
Personally... I think you're Caracas
 
the esk said:
For a while I have had this thing with a girl called Roberta.

First time, everything was perfect, great body, foreplay , sex, she said the right things and had a beautiful sexy voice.

Second time, foreplay not so good and frankly the sex has been insipid.

Question is, was the first time a fluke even though it was really good? Or is my second experience more like what's due in the future?

I hope we can sort it as it has the potential for a match made in heaven.
Click to expand...
no place for romance in this thread ;)
 
I was in a moody llittle rock pub in Brum one day, knocking back gallons of lager. Was depressed as hell over something so went on a right bender. This big lass came and stood next to me at the bar. I don't usually go for owt over a size 12 (I'm a git tbh), but I just fancied a bit and she was not bad looking. Got chatting and it turns out she was sat with her fella. So I bought 'em both a drink which I took over to him and told him she was gonna stay with me for a while. (Did I mention I'm a git)? We had a few and I persuaded her to leave with me. Could barely walk by now but ended up dragging her into a multi storey car park. Romantic fecker I am. Got her to drop her jeans but she was even bigger than I thought. This huge mass of flesh dropped down. Struggled to get the condom on for a while then I managed to do the deed for a minutre or two before I realised that Little Ada had gone on strike. I mumbled something about being sorry and she started to cry. Felt real bad cos her fella was probably gonna dump her and she didn't even get a bit. I don't know if she was the worst I've ever "had sex" with but I reckon I was probably the worst she'd ever had.
 

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